The Power of Presence: Why Listening is More Than Just Hearing
In a world filled with constant noise, distractions, and a never-ending stream of information, the art of truly listening seems to be fading into the background. We've become experts at hearing, but how often do we actually listen? The truth is, there's a profound difference between the two, and it's a difference that can make or break our relationships, both personally and professionally.
Imagine this scenario: You're engaged in a conversation with someone, and as they speak, you find your mind wandering to your to-do list, your phone buzzing with notifications in your pocket, and your own thoughts racing ahead to what you want to say next. You may be hearing their words, but are you truly listening?
In a world where multitasking is celebrated and time is of the essence, we often forget the immense value of simply being present when we communicate. It's not just about hearing the words someone is saying; it's about giving them the gift of your full attention, understanding, and empathy. It's about tuning in not only to the words they speak but also to the emotions behind those words and the unspoken messages they convey.
In this blog post, we'll explore the transformative power of presence in our conversations. We'll delve into why listening goes beyond the act of hearing and how it can profoundly impact our relationships, enhance our communication skills, and lead to more meaningful connections. So, let's put aside the distractions, quiet our racing minds, and embark on a journey to discover the true value of listening with presence.
Absence is a form of distraction where the mind is not present while interacting with self or others. Evidence of this is being on autopilot. If you or the other person have a negative attachment to the subject matter being discussed, distractedness can lead to that negative energy taking the conversation over. It can lead to distortions and projections towards you or the other person. That negative energy can also lead to the "Super Ego", the most inauthentic part of ourselves taking over. Ego is commonly oversimplified in that all of it is negative. In fact, you need parts of your ego to see yourself in this world and carry out your life's journey.
How Do I know When I am in THAT Place?
You can tell when you are behaving in a manner that is generally uncharacteristic of you. Is it just being mean or could there be another explanation for behaving in uncharacteristic ways? Yes! How do you know the difference? Examine the action, the feeling, and the outcome. That's where the answer lies.
If you are genuinely intending to ask a question that you simply want the answer to, you will listen to the was answer when it is given to you. If you don't understand it, you will ask questions after you have heard the answer. This is a healthy form of communication. The communication can be unhealthy when you've asked a question but don't hear the answer either because you are talking over the person you've just asked the question to, or you were distracted and were not listening. To repeatedly question someone after you have asked a question, even to the point of not allowing them to answer is a form of torment called "badgering". People often do this out of frustration not realizing that this is what they are doing to the person they are speaking to. They shouldn't be surprised if that person gets upset. Unfortunately, when we are angry and stuck inside the energy of our super ego, we miss this and then blame the other person's reaction to what's been said to them even criticizing their reaction.
Badgering is an abusive form of communcation and detrimental to all relationships
The gift of presence is what is shared with your loved ones when you are actively engaged and listening to what they are saying. Getting angry at the person because you have misunderstood them or didn't hear what they said is a clear sign that you're feeling defensive and are responding from a wounded super ego. This is where that intent can visible to a person who is tapped into their higher self. It's genuinely not difficult to correct your response if your intent is clear of negative attachments. If anger is present, it may be a sign that you have an attachment to something happening in the conversation that reminds you of a negative experience you've had, either with that person or with someone else. That's your opportunity to explore the filters you may be listening through and invite presence into the conversation.
It's important to know that not acknowledging what you're feeling to the person you're speaking to isn't always effective. This is because we take cues from things like tone, context, body language and follow up responses all into consideration when engaged in conversation. Parts of our communication are nonverbal so the person you are speaking to is likely observing those cues while you are speaking while you may not be consciously aware of the cues you are giving while speaking. A great example of this is hand movements. Many times we move our hands when we are illustrating a point, telling a story or sharing some exciting news. The other person may feel that hand movement represents excitability or irritation and feel threatened when we truly had no such intent.
Sometimes our minds are so distracted that we become irritated with the person who is speaking and respond harshly, never connecting with what they were attempting to communicate. This can also be extremely damaging to relationships. Most people don't do this consciously, rather it shows up when there is internal or external distractions.
How Can I change the Way I communicate?
How do we change it? The very first step is simply to make an effort to observe yourself more. It may seem like a huge task but self awareness takes time. There are also resources available such as "Nonviolent Communication: Create Your Life, Your Relationships, and Your World in Harmony with your Values" by Marshall Rosenberg. This book helped realize that the way I learned to speak to others was harsh at times. When partnered with irritation it could be brutal. If you share a relationship with someone, of any kind, realizing that there are two of you present in the conversation you learn that there is a give and take exchange. I highly recommend this particular book which is available as an audiobook.
Understanding your personality traits in addition to having awareness in your communication will change your life. Through Tarot Numerology (also called Astro Numerology), it is possible to discover and understand your innate qualities on a deeper level so you can use them to your advantage. For example, as a Sagittarius with a life path 13 in Tarot Numerology (4 in traditional numerology, I understand that difficult things are normal for me and I speak with loads of honesty as that is most comfortable. These factors made it difficult for others to perceive what I would communicate because the delivery was heavy, harsh. Honesty without compassion is brutality.
It was through understanding the archetype of the Sagittarius and the energy of the numerology around my birth that I was able to accept this honesty was just a part of who I am. It then became my work to relearn how I shared that honesty with others. Numerology is a powerful tool in understanding yourself and others. It helps us understand that every hurt we experience from another isn't by intention. Sometimes, that person may need to fine tune different aspects of themselves for better relationship harmony. This doesn't mean you change who you are, just modify your awareness around how you interact with others. Some say it feels like walking on egg shells. Without a clear awareness of how we interact with others, that may be exactly what is creating distance between you and your loved one. Chronic absence of awareness in communication usually means they have been "walking on eggshells" around you! Part of being in relationship with someone is not creating things for them that we do not want for ourselves.
Food for thought
If you feel you have a sensitivity around the way you communicate with others, book a reading today. You'll understand so much better how much is not your "fault", just an opportunity to water your soul and nourish your relationships.